There’s Many a Slip Twixt the Cup and the Lip, or, How AutoCorrect Almost Got Nana Arrested

As I have alluded to earlier, ADHD makes Heroic Questing a unique challenge. Call it the Curse of Shiny Objects.

One of the super cool side effects of ADHD (besides the hyperactivity, the chronic underachieving, the… squirrel!) is the way your brain sprints out ahead of your mouth.

I found an ADHD resource online, and they describe this phenomenon thusly:

If you know someone who has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), you’ve probably experienced a particular conversation oddity: they sometimes start saying words in the middle of a thought, instead of at the beginning. This leads to disjointed and unexpected points in a conversation. What’s important to realize is that they are not crazy or delusional — their mind is actually racing, and sometimes their spoken words don’t keep up with the thoughts in their head.

Because I have this tendency, I have developed a very aggressive internal AutoCorrect feature. You know, like a smart phone. I catch myself racing along, and I start to overthink, trying to recover by redirecting myself, oversteering in one direction then the other.

This means that I am prone to meandering, stream of consciousness Soliloquoys, leading listeners on an exhausting, frequently confusing demonstration of textbook non-sequiturs. Worse, the substance of what I’m trying to say gets lost. Like this guy:

This frustrates Rachel to no end. Experts say communication is crucial to a successful marriage.  She will ask me a simple, unambiguous question, and I will treat her to a rambling, indirect, cryptic answer.

“Hey girl. Trebek will take potent potables for… two.”

Sometimes, instead of a simple yes or no, I will answer her in the form of a question.  Like a Jeopardy contestant. In my mind, I imagine I am applying the Socratic method, using her momentum against her in a kind of verbal judo. In reality, I am constipating our communications.

This is why I like writing. I am still all over the place, but I can edit and pull it together into a minimally meaningful whole. Best of all, I can neuter my internal AutoCorrect before it warps the meaning of what I’m trying to say.


An anecdote from our babysitter really started me thinking about the whole AutoCorrect correlation for this post. In her words:

“My nana texted my aunt to see if she could call to read poems to my little cousin (her granddaughter). AutoCorrect changed the word ‘poems’ to ‘porn’.”

I think it’s fair to say, the intended meaning got lost. Nana was this close to having to register as a sex offender.

Calling all Heroes. What’s your favorite or most unfortunate AutoCorrect experience? Click the “Comment” link below and tell us all about it.

This entry was posted in Squirrel! (ADHD Rants and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to There’s Many a Slip Twixt the Cup and the Lip, or, How AutoCorrect Almost Got Nana Arrested

  1. Jo says:

    My dog Atticus is Add a kiss…… kinda sweet though.
    I love your writing Dan. I don’t follow blogs per say….but I like yours. thanks

    • Our Hero says:

      That’s not only funny, but it warms the cockles of my heart. I just shudder to think what AutoCorrect would do to that phrase.

      Thanks for stopping by, Jo.

  2. emilee says:

    Every time I try to type ” you” in my phone, it auto corrects it to”titty”…don’t ask me why, it just!

  3. Rachel says:

    My favorite is when I write your name in a text to someone and it always comes out “dank”.

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