Riding the Berserk Hedgehog

“Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen.” Leonardo Da Vinci

Vitruvian Man by Leonardo da Vinci, Galleria d...

“Sir, you can’t go on the waterslide without a wristband. Also, your junk is out.” Vitruvian Man by Leonardo da Vinci, Galleria dell’ Accademia, Venice (1485-90) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So, after much efforting, I finally reached a couple of milestones on my Quest. It’s important to chase your Dreams, even necessary. And to chase them, you must work until you can’t work anymore. Da Vinci knew this, spending every waking moment painting, inventing, and secretly embedding a mysterious code with profound historical and ecclesiastical significance into everything he ever did. I achieved something a bit more modest.

Firstly, I submitted a 15 page script to the Industry Insider Screenwriting contest. This task was largely symbolic; I struggled mightily to write a story based upon someone else’s idea, and it was far from my best work. But I stuck it out, knowing that it was a) a challenge that professional screenwriters have to work with all the time, and b) a personal roadblock that I had to overcome. So, mission accomplished.

Second, I met a Mentor. This is a goal that I discussed in a previous post. Erik Bork is an Emmy-winning screenwriter who wrote for HBO’s Band of Brothers and From the Earth to the Moon. Erik offers script consulting services, which I found out about on his blog, FlyingWrestler.com. As an introductory service, he does a complimentary thirty minute call to offer guidance on specific projects and/or career questions. I decided to contact him to set up a call. Although I have a clear preference for bearded Mentors, I believe Erik is largely clean shaven. Sigh.

In advance of our call, I sent Erik a one page synopsis for a project I have been working on for a while, and one which I consider to be among the strongest contenders in my portfolio of story ideas. While I waited for Erik to call, I was very anxious, pacing around, rehearsing my introductions, practicing to sound nonchalant. Even Wifey could tell I was nervous.

Our Hero: I really hope he likes me.

Rachel: Why don’t you pass him a note in homeroom?

Our Hero: Jealous?

English: Tom Hanks at a ceremony for George Ha...

“Next up, Bosom Buddies: the Movie. Featuring the most graphic cross dressing sequence in cinema history.” English: Tom Hanks at a ceremony for George Harrison to receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Erik was every bit as cool on the phone as he was in our email exchanges. In a forty minute call (yes, I even scored bonus time!) he gave me very practical feedback on my story concept, including weaknesses in the synopsis. He was very candid, yet encouraging. He told me his story, about working for a production company and struggling to sell any of his work. On the advice of a friend in the business, he took a sitcom writing class, wrote some spec scripts for existing series, one of which was read by Tom (Everyman Movie Star) Hanks! He scored a staff writing job on Band of Brothers, and the rest was history.

More than anything else, Erik helped demystify an industry shrouded in myth. He was just a regular guy who, through years of hard work and patience, achieved his goal and reached a pretty high pinnacle. I plan to use his consulting services down the road, so I am considering him a legitimate Mentor on my Heroic Quest.

These goals were accomplished despite putting in some major hours at work. The week I submitted my script I worked every night into the early morning, sometimes on the script, sometimes on a business proposal for my employer, the Parking Meter factory. Rachel made sacrifices as well, so per her wish, for Mother’s Day we took a weekender to an authentic, African-themed resort a few hours away. We spent the weekend battling Monsters with names like the Master Blaster, the Sahara Sidewinders and the Screaming Hyena.

Now, I’ve never considered myself a waterpark guy, it has a negative, mulleted proletarian connotation, but we had a helluva lot of fun with the girls. Most importantly, we took a break from the ratrace of holding down 9-to-5′s, raising kids, mortgage payments, caring for parents, mystery illnesses, and Heroic Quests.

Da Vinci knew all about hard work. But , to paraphrase the quote at the top of this post, don’t forget to to ride the Berserk Hedgehog from time to time. I wouldn’t be surprised if they found a blueprint of a waterslide in Leonardo’s notebook.

Now, on to the next challenge: the Industry Insider TV Writing contest.

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Being a Short Diversion on Leading an Authentic Life, Brought to You By Taco Bell

“If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.”                        

Joseph Campbell

“Handheld microphones are for punks. And T-Robb ain’t no punk.”
Photo credit: Word-of-mouth-media.com

Follow your bliss. It sounds like a damn bumper sticker. Or the title of an Oprah-book-club-endorsed-best-seller. It’s probably both. But my wise Mentor, Obi-Wan Campbell coined it first. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel stupid saying it. The word reeks of a convention center filled with cultish devotees of Tony Robbins.

I don’t know much, but I do know where my rapture is and I know where it is not.

It is writing. Creating worlds. Birthing characters. Inventing situations. It is not my job at the parking meter factory.

It is spending time with my little brood. Stolen moments with Rachel. Sharing the discoveries and enthusiasms of my girls. It is not spending time with other private sector robots, suffocating in conference rooms, creating synergies or changing paradigms. Whatever the ever-loving hell that means.

It is traveling. Exploring. Putting new dirt on my old boots. Seeing what a new place has to offer. Because every new place has something to offer (except Gary, Indiana; that place is a Cosmic Mistake). It is not letting a busy schedule, a full dance card, a relentless calendar keep us from seeking and finding Rollicking Adventure.

It is meeting people. Interesting people. Strange people. People with stories to tell. It is not staring, mouth agape, at Reality TV “Stars”: technicolor, high definition train wrecks, brought to you by Taco Bell.

It is reconnecting with old friends and family. Reliving old memories. Embellishing old memories. Completely fabricating old memories. Making new ones. Always making new ones. It is not accepting obligations that keep you from the people who know you best for too long. People who know your secrets, and you know theirs. Shameful things and noble things. Things that ache your ribs from spasms of uncontrolled, snot-inducing laughter. And you love them all the more for it.

The most important question we must ask when we decide to Write Our Own Story is this: What do I want to do with my finite hours on this planet? Do I want to spend my life making someone else’s dreams come true? Being a supporting character in someone else’s story? Sitting in rooms, with people, doing things, but the wrong rooms, the wrong people, the wrong things?

There is much in life you cannot control. Most of us have to work for a living. Most of us are not wealthy or famous; we have unavoidable limitations. Sometimes, even small changes can seem impossible.

But there are things you can control. Find those individuals, those locations, those endeavors, those adventures that leave your spirit satisfied. Find your bliss. Whatever. Your rapture. Your absolute euphoria. Your fulfillment. Whatever you want to call it. Think of moments in your life that you wished would never end. Think of moments of perfect peace, of transcendent exhilaration, of impossible hilarity. Embrace them, seek them out. Savor them. Concoct auspicious occasions. Dream impossibly.

Maybe more importantly, know those places, situations or people who consume your time without consideration, your energy without hesitation, or your bliss, without remorse. Reject them. Deny them. Cast them out. They keep you in the dark. They keep you from the life you were meant to live.

It’s out there waiting for you. Throw down your burdens, and run, don’t walk, in the direction of the light.

*******************************************************************************

All kidding aside, T-Robb is good at what he does. Here is a talk he gave on chasing your dreams.

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Now With More Goosebumps and Twice the Goulet!

English: Robert Goulet

“Goulet approves of this message.”
Photo credit: Wikipedia

I have reached the home stretch of my first major Quest milestone, the deadline for the Industry Insider Screenwriting contest is April 30.  This project has been a struggle for me. The whole point of this blog was to find my voice. To express myself. To be authentic.

The rules of the contest dictate that writers must work with a log line supplied by a Hollywood producer. That means that I have to flesh out someone else’s idea.

I already spend my working life writing what someone else wants me to write about (Parking meters… why did it have to be parking meters?). The thought of nurturing someone else’s concept is a little demoralizing.

Despite the struggle, I know down deep that it is critical that I enter this contest. First, the rules only require 15 pages, which is a very reasonable, feasible first project. Second, I need to build momentum leading into my next projects by submitting something. Besides, even if this effort ends in rejection, that in itself is an important step, since even the best writers endure a variety of indignities for every published or produced work.

So, living my version of the Hero’s Journey, I am wandering alone in the Abyss, enduring the onslaught of Villains like Distraction, Doubt, and Procrastination. I am fighting a furious War and I am losing. I have eight days to pull an ugly, meandering draft together into a winning script. If this were a film, I’d be gearing up for the final confrontation.

It’s time for a killer inspirational speech. Lots of films have them. This is where the Heroes and/or Heroines get whipped into a frenzy by some well crafted words that make them believe that miracles can happen, that the impossible is possible. Uh, yes please.

There have been countless incredible, inspiring soliloquies in cinema. They usually occur on the eve of battle, such as Maximus’ oration before his troops in Gladiator, William Wallace’s defiant address in Braveheart, or Aragon’s uplifting pre-battle talk at the black gates of Mordor in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Sports films are rich with such speeches, from “Win one for the Gipper“, to the pre-game speech from Miracle, to Al Pacino‘s rant in Any Given Sunday (“It’s a game of inches… and the inches are everywhere”), which is now used in a Viagra commercial, I think. If it isn’t, it should be.

Watching any one of these scenes on their own, I feel inspired. Watching all of them at once (see video below), my goosebumps beget still more goosebumps, and I feel like I can jump to the moon in a single bound. Excuse me while I take a knee.

Sniff, that was awesome.

We all need a little inspiration now and then. The word inspiration literally means from the spirit, and without it, obstacles can seem impassable. But, with it, anything is possible. As Robert Goulet warbled in The Man of La Mancha: “To dream the Impossible Dream. Goulet!”

I’d love to hear about your favorite inspirational speech, leave a comment at the link below.

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There’s Many a Slip Twixt the Cup and the Lip, or, How AutoCorrect Almost Got Nana Arrested

As I have alluded to earlier, ADHD makes Heroic Questing a unique challenge. Call it the Curse of Shiny Objects.

One of the super cool side effects of ADHD (besides the hyperactivity, the chronic underachieving, the… squirrel!) is the way your brain sprints out ahead of your mouth.

I found an ADHD resource online, and they describe this phenomenon thusly:

If you know someone who has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), you’ve probably experienced a particular conversation oddity: they sometimes start saying words in the middle of a thought, instead of at the beginning. This leads to disjointed and unexpected points in a conversation. What’s important to realize is that they are not crazy or delusional — their mind is actually racing, and sometimes their spoken words don’t keep up with the thoughts in their head.

Because I have this tendency, I have developed a very aggressive internal AutoCorrect feature. You know, like a smart phone. I catch myself racing along, and I start to overthink, trying to recover by redirecting myself, oversteering in one direction then the other.

This means that I am prone to meandering, stream of consciousness Soliloquoys, leading listeners on an exhausting, frequently confusing demonstration of textbook non-sequiturs. Worse, the substance of what I’m trying to say gets lost. Like this guy:

This frustrates Rachel to no end. Experts say communication is crucial to a successful marriage.  She will ask me a simple, unambiguous question, and I will treat her to a rambling, indirect, cryptic answer.

“Hey girl. Trebek will take potent potables for… two.”

Sometimes, instead of a simple yes or no, I will answer her in the form of a question.  Like a Jeopardy contestant. In my mind, I imagine I am applying the Socratic method, using her momentum against her in a kind of verbal judo. In reality, I am constipating our communications.

This is why I like writing. I am still all over the place, but I can edit and pull it together into a minimally meaningful whole. Best of all, I can neuter my internal AutoCorrect before it warps the meaning of what I’m trying to say.

************************************************************************

An anecdote from our babysitter really started me thinking about the whole AutoCorrect correlation for this post. In her words:

“My nana texted my aunt to see if she could call to read poems to my little cousin (her granddaughter). AutoCorrect changed the word ‘poems’ to ‘porn’.”

I think it’s fair to say, the intended meaning got lost. Nana was this close to having to register as a sex offender.

Calling all Heroes. What’s your favorite or most unfortunate AutoCorrect experience? Click the “Comment” link below and tell us all about it.

 

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Viral Bandwagoneering: Your Harlem Shake Video Outlet Since 2013

Everyone in my wife’s family is sick. Grandma, nephews, nieces, brother, sister. No one was spared from the outbreak. Not sure if it’s food poisoning or some kind of bug, but it spread very quickly and now we can’t get rid of it.

In that spirit, I offer something else that spread quickly and that has proven hard to get rid of. As a follow up to a previous post, we thought it would be fun to attempt our our version of the Harlem Shake video phenomenon. We cranked up the cuteness factor, since people seem to like that sort of business. Please forward this to your friends, share, like, link or otherwise spread this germ all over the internet so that we can all get the funky fever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RxrBMYzBpQ

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Hitting the Curve Ball: An Essential Skill for Heroes

“We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.”  ~Author Unknown

As if embarking on a Heroic Quest isn’t daunting enough, on top of all of the usual obligations associated with conventional urban modernity, this week my Wife and I have been dealing with a mystery illness in our family. My oldest daughter (call her “E”) was diagnosed with a rare blood clotting disorder last summer. After a few weeks of solitary confinement (for her own protection), her platelet levels magically improved and we moved on with our lives, assuming that it was an acute case.

“I had one of deadliest pitches in the history of the game, and this is the best picture of me you could find?”.
Baseball Hall of Famer Burt Blyleven, esquire

This past week, her platelet levels dropped to alarmingly low levels again. This seems to be a pattern with us over the past few years. Every time we seem to have a short stretch of normalcy, life throws us a Curve Ball. Not just any Curve, but a drop-off-the-table, Burt Blyleven-style, Uncle Charlie from Port Arthur bender that starts its trajectory coming straight at your face, then breaks suddenly, catches the corner of the plate and turns your knees to Jell-O. I have already outed myself as a Sci-fi nerd, I may as well also come out the Baseball nerd closet.

In eight years together, Rachel and I have lived a lot of life, putting on a lot of mileage in a short time. We were married, had three beautiful daughters, moved twice, bought a house, changed jobs a few times each, lost three parents (with the fourth suffering a massive stroke and landing, wheelchair-bound, in a nursing home), battled Rachel’s daily debilitating migraines for four years, while she pursued her Masters, had a premature baby with serious pregnancy complications, and dealt with E’s shadowy, potentially dangerous illness.

I’m not complaining. Everyone gets their share of misery in this life. And many people, even people we know, people we love, are dealing with far worse circumstances. However, it’s no surprise that all of these events are top ten finalists on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. And a child with medical problems is about the scariest thing I can think of. Scarier than any Giant or Dragon a Hero has ever faced.

And yet, I am happier than I have ever been. Before I met Rachel, I had no skin in the game. I took no chances, had nothing invested; life was easy, because my Ambitions were few, and my only Quest was transitory pleasures, living day to day. I didn’t Love then like I Love now.

I went out of my way to avoid obstacles. I didn’t know how to get through them.

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.  ~Frank A. Clark

I have struggled the last couple of weeks as I tried to complete my drafts for upcoming screenwriting contests. I was using E’s illness as an excuse. As an obstacle. Writing is a luxury, I have bigger priorities.

“I have mutant superpowers. Doesn’t everybody?”.
E’s Self-Portrait (2013)

But, I learned something watching E’s response to her illness. Imagine telling a six year old human turbine, an ADHD poster child with pure Kinetic Energy coursing through her veins, that she would have to sit out recess, and gym, and baton, and running or jumping or spelunking or cliff diving of any kind. She was understandably upset. But she is Indomitable, a Force of Nature, and will not be caged. E hatches Plots, formulates Rescue Plans, maps out Escape Routes, has Agendas for days. She refocused all of her twisting and squirming and bashing into founding new Companies, starting a new gourmet Restaurant in our home, creating several Masterpieces in various mediums. She transformed her Obstacle into a Trampoline, a Catapult.

I am in awe of her. I want to be just like her. If  we could only get her to keep her finger out of her nose.

We can’t let obstacles stop us from living, from Attempting, from Questing, from Conquering. I want to show my daughters that Anything is Possible for those who persevere. And for those who learn to hit the Curve Ball, because Life will try to sneak it past you when you least expect it.

Fortunately, we have been in the batting cage for the past few years, working on our stroke, getting our timing down, so that next time, we won’t get caught looking. We’re going yard.

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Addition by Subtraction: Break out the Red Pen of Justice!

As you Write Your Own Story, it becomes clear that the things you leave out are just as important as the things you include. Addition by subtraction. Editing, both in writing and in Real Life, are critical steps that are often overlooked.

When I get hit with a terminal case of Writer’s Block (frequently, I am sad to report), I often refer back to my Joseph Campbell for inspiration. I found myself looking over the Hero’s Journey yesterday, and I had a very minor epiphany, but like a contestant on Jeopardy, it arrived in the form of a question. Why do Heroes so frequently leave home to undertake a Quest and emerge Transformed? Why is the Quest necessary?

A number of answers raised their hand:

  • The Hero must leave his/her comfort zone in order to change
  • The Hero must broaden his/her horizons in order to grow or evolve
  • There typically aren’t Dragons or Giants to slay at home (Domestic rodents and visiting in-laws don’t count)

“What’s cuter than me?
@#$% nothing, that’s what.”

These all make sense, but one other possibility resonated. The Hero has to leave home to remove unnecessary distractions.  The Hero cannot be bothered with the banalities of real life (bills, landscaping, manscaping) or with trite diversions (the Big Game, Honey Boo-Boo, acquiring and displaying cute little Hummel figurines). The Quest itself is a shortcut by writers to strip the Hero of mundane concerns so he/she can focus on the Journey or Heroic Task at hand. Find the Talisman. Seek the Sacred Wisdom. Learn Kung Fu (Whoa).

“I should thank you to refer to me as ‘effete’, or ‘dainty’, possibly ’fastidious’, certainly ’finicky’. I would also accept ‘fussy’ or ‘persnickety’. But ‘girly’? Never!”

Real Life is full of distractions, especially if you have ADHD. And, for most of us, leaving all of our Worldly cares behind for months or years or forever to seek Adventure just isn’t practical. Notice that you never saw Frodo Baggins doing any grocery shopping, or dropping off his dry cleaning. I recognize that life is not exactly like a story.

As such, I will not leave my young Family and mortgage payments and thankless Job at home while I undertake a metaphorical Quest, no matter how Glorious. I would prefer to make the Wife and Girls a part of my Traveling Party. Imagine if Luke Skywalker were married and had three kids when he joined Obi-Wan, Han and Chewbacca on the Millenium Falcon. His wife driving from the backseat (“Why are you taking this way to Alderaan?”), the kids playing road trip games (“I spy, with my little eye, a girly gold robot!”). I’m digressing…

So, we can’t cut everything out to focus on our Quest, but, we can edit out lots of unnecessary activities. For example, I am trying to watch less TV to get in more writing. I am also trying to reduce the amount of obligations that I take on. I’m aiming to treat my time as a precious, finite commodity.

Or, maybe there are Characters in your life that are don’t contribute anything of value, or may actually be a hindrance. If possible, write them out of your Story. Break out the Red Pen of Justice! It sounds harsh, but life is all about choices. You may have 500 Facebook friends, but how many are a positive force in your life. Many of them may embroil you in petty drama, un-Heroic disputes, gossip, etc.  In stories and films, only the essential Characters, those that contribute to the plot, are introduced. You never meet Odysseus’ accountant, and you don’t hear a solilioquoy by Neo’s college roommate in The Matrix. Why shouldn’t your life have a similar kind of focus on the things and people that truly matter?

As you are efforting and sweating and pushing towards your Goals, whatever they may be, ask yourself: who or what is most important to me, and maybe more to the point, who or what isn’t?

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